Tests and Transformations
by Speedy Speck
Summary: Tifa and Reno try an experimental potion from Neo Shinra....One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no character's, place's etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: This is my thirty-fourth fanfic!...Is it any good? Probably not...I don't think it is...but oh well!...And it was written for 'The Sacred and Profane'! PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :D

''Ok you two ready?'' The lab assistant handed the couple a glass vial each, filled with a shockingly red liquid.

Tifa looked at the item with both fear and curiosity, ''So we just need to drink this...and you'll monitor us?''

''Yes that's correct.'' The white clad assistant turned back to the computer and began typing something.

The brunette turned to her husband who was standing a metre to her left and hissed furiously at him, ''I can't believe you signed us up for this! What if we...die or something?''

''Yo babe...chill! I get extra pay for this and anyway it'll be fine, stop being such a wimp...'' He was obviously more relaxed about the situation than her.

''I'm not a wimp, I just don't like being experimented on like a guinea pig...''

He rolled his eyes at her, ''We're not being experimented on like guinea pigs...we're being experimented on like rats...''

''Great...just great...'' Tifa took another look at the ominous looking liquid in her hand and let out a sigh. _Why can't you just learn to say ''No Reno!''...I mean come on...he's just your husband...you should be able to say no...but then he does that cute little smile of his...and gives you one of those amazing kisses ...oh and he does have a fantastic ass...oh damn it Tifa! _Her thoughts were interrupted by the lab assistant, who had finally finished typing and had now turned back to face them.

''Ok, you two if you could both drink the vials now and we'll get started.''

Tifa swirled the liquid a few times around in the glass container before downing it in one, the red head on the other hand took his time, slowly pouring it into his mouth and swilling it around in his cheeks before swallowing it, as if he was at some kind of wine tasting party.

''Mmm tasty...how are you feeling Tif?''

''Well I feel fi-WOAH!'' Tifa had turned to the Turk, only to find not her husband but a small flame red cat, who's fur stuck out at funny angles around his head. ''Erm Reno...you're a...well...you're a feline...''

''Yo...well I'll be...'' The Turk was obviously un-fazed by this, but his calm was soon damaged when he turned to his wife, ''Darling you're not excatly looking yourself either...''

''What are you talking about-oh my Shin-Ra...'' As the brunette looked down at her body, she came to the rather shocking conclusion that she'd been transformed into a monkey of sorts. Her body was covered in dark brown hair, her fingers and toes were wrinkled and rough and she didn't dare feel her face.

The fluffy red feline on the other hand was finding her new appearance rather hilarious.

''Yo darling! You know you smell terrible...and you look like Cid!'' He could barely hold back his laughter, though when it emerged it sounded more like a squeaky yowl.

Her brow contorted in anger, ''Yeah well you lick your own ass! And don't forget the hair balls!''

The pair continued to argue away while the lab assistant tapped the results furiously on the keyboard.

* * *

''I told you this wouldn't be a good idea! I told you! Now look at us!'' The monkey was jumping up and down, attempting to grab the light above her absent-mindedly.

''Oh stop being melodramatic, we're not dead yet are we...just a little fur-Meowh!''

Tifa started giggling at his sudden outburst, only to find herself howling like the wild animal she'd become.

The couple turned to each other trying desperately to stop their laughter, but only found it increasing, as they viewed their funny forms.

It only came to a halt when Reno the cat found himself coughing up a very large and unpleasant orange looking hair ball. It fell from his mouth in a splat and Tifa wrinkled her nose.

''That's disgusting...''

The cat looked at the monkey in amusement, ''You think a bit of hair is disgusting...you've been eating your own fleas for the past five minutes...''

''No I-...Oh dear...'' Tifa looked down to find her hand was indeed in her mouth and she had a distinctive taste on her tongue.

A few minutes pasted in silence as the brunette carried on picking at her fur and the cat settled down and began purring softly.

Tifa looked at her husband, all curled up and content and began hobbling over to him and was about to place what she thought would be a lovely romantic kiss onto his black nose when the red feline jumped up and let out a screeching yowl.

''Yo what are you doing!''

''I was gunna kiss you...you looked ever so cute!''

''Well you looked like some crazy old tramp with no teeth! Plus...'' The cat took a sniff of his wife, ''Your breath don't half stink!''

The monkey's face grew contorted with anger after being insulted so and she was about to land a sharp slap on her husbands fluffy cheek when the brunette caught sight of her hand.

The fur was beginning to fade away and in it's place was soft pale skin, but much to Tifa's confusion she still remained the same height as the small monkey she'd previously been.

''Reno what am I no-Well, well, well...'' The once cute feline had also changed. Unlike Tifa though he'd grown in height, but was now in fact some kind of elderly woman, long grey hair replaced the flame red and his teeth were brown and cracked.

Reno looked at his wife and shook his now feminine head, the wrinkles on his face deepened by the frown forming on his brow, ''This is so not cool...''

* * *

Tifa chuckled at her husbands crippled appearance, he was all ways exceptionally vain, so to see him like this was a treat.

Reno raised an eyebrow in annoyance, ''I don't know what you're laughing at...you should look at yourself...''

The brunette looked at her husband in confusion, ''What do you mean? I just seem to have shrunk!''

''Oh no you haven't...'' An amused smile spread across his decrepit face.

''What do you mean?''

''You're a child...and a male child at that!''

''What I am not-oh would you look at that...'' The brunette inspected herself, to indeed find a childlike body, not to mention when she looked down her trousers she did find definite proof that she was a boy. Curiosity stirred within her young mind and the little boy slowly put his hand down his pants, much to the horror of the elderly woman sitting less than a metre away.

''Tifa! Stop playing with yourself!''

''You sound so funny!'' Tifa's giggle was soft and innocent, and all though she was a little boy, her face was still extremely pretty and her smile seemed to light up the room.

Reno looked down at his own form in disgust, ''Ergh! I'm all wrinkled.. and old! And I smell...musty...and my hair! My beautiful red hair, turned to this monstrosity! I look like a haggered Sephiroth...'' There was a pause when he continued to expect his body, ''Well you know...apart from the boobs...''

Tifa proceeded to watch her husband cup both breasts and jiggle them about.

''What...what are you doing?''

''Just you know...checking buoyancy!''

Tifa raised an eyebrow, ''Buoyancy...right...you're just feeling yourself up aren't you?

''Well yeah...''

''Pervert...''

''Hey they're my boobs and I'll do what I bloody like with them!''

Silence.

The elderly woman muttered something under her breath as she continued to play with her assets, ''Yo I hope Tifa's don't droop like this...'' Unluckily for him the little boy's ears detected the remark.

''Oi! I heard that!''

* * *

Another few minutes passed until the Turk looked down at his body to find his hands no longer full of himself, ''Hey where have my boobs gone!...I sound funny...and why am I dressed like Strife...Tif have I turned into an emo- Holy Shin-Ra...''

Tifa was laying flat on the ground, and seemed to have transformed into a pair of blue male boxers.

His wife attempted to move but only managed to shift slightly to the left, ''Well this is just pants...get it pants!'' She looked at her husband expecting to see a somewhat amused expression, but instead she found something much more entertaining.

Reno looked at Tifa's wide smile with confusion, ''Yo...what...Have I got something on my face?''

''Erm Reno...you're...well you seem to have...turned into Cloud...''

''No way!'' His eyes widened in surprise, though they soon narrowed in thought, ''So I'm his exact physical duplicate...''

A smirk spread across the blonde's face as he began to peer down his purple trousers and prod about.

The pair of boxers looked absolutely outraged, ''Cloud! I mean Reno! Stop that!''

''Yo! I wanna see if he's bigger than me!''

Tifa let out an exasperated sigh, ''What is it with you men and your...things...it's all ways a competition...''

Silence.

Reno still seemed to be inspecting Cloud's body, and an immense feeling of curiosity welled up in the pair of boxers, ''So...is it...big?''

''Yo...that's for me to know...and you never to find out!''

''You know you sound exactly like him too...''

''Yo you're right...'' Another rather amused smirk spread across his pale face as he stood up and began impersonating Cloud.

''I'm an annoying git who mopes about for no apparent reason and is probably secretly bumming Vincent...My hair is like a rock and I must learn to use less hair gel! I look like a woman and could easily pass for a girl...in fact I once did! I really really really need to get over my extremely stupid self and stop bein such an emo. Oh and I'm so gay, and I think Reno is the sexiest!''

Silence.

''That was silly...'' Though it was evident Tifa was trying desperately to hold back the laughter.

''Hey, if I've got to be the spiky git I might as well have some fun...''

The underwear looked her husband rather put out, ''Well at least you're human...I'm just a pair of smelly boxers...''

''Babe, I'd wear you any day...'' He flashed her what he thought was a cheeky yet charming smile, though she just raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

''Was that meant to be comforting...because it really...really wasn't.''

Tifa tried to turn her attention to the lab assistant, a rather pitiful expression playing across the cotton material that was her face, ''How much longer am I gunna be like this?''

The white clad assistant gave her an apologetic smile, ''The effects should wear off in another five minutes.''

''Five minutes...great...-Woah! What do you think you're doing!'' Reno had picked up his wife and had started pulling on the boxers over his trousers.

''Well I said I'd wear you any day...'' Another cheeky smile played across the blonde's face and Tifa found it strange to see Cloud looking so amused. Usually the blonde was straight faced and serious, it was nice to see him happy, even if it wasn't really him. When the boxers were finally on, Reno looked down at her and began to laugh.

Tifa's brow furrowed, ''What...''

''Just...your face is on my crotch...''

Tifa smirked, ''Well actually it's Cloud's...not that I'm complaining...''

''Oi!'' She was joking of course, but it still didn't stop Reno from getting moody.

A few moments of pure laughter passed as they both began thinking about their predicament.

Reno looked down at his wife and gave her a contented smile ''I love you...''

''I love you too...But Reno just so you know...if you ever sign us up for testing again I will personally do things to your scrawny ass that I wouldn't even wish on Sephiroth...''

* * *

A few weeks had passed since their testing session at Shin-Ra HQ and luckily there were no side effects. Though when Cloud popped in to visit Tifa a few days later, he was met with a rather excited Reno who spent a good two hours talking to him about how it wasn't the quantity it was the quality and how it wasn't what you had, it was how you used it.

The blonde left Seventh Heaven very confused... and a little aroused...


End file.
